Getting Through My Favorite Drinking Holiday
Sober & Estranged edition and all the things that led me here
These last couple months I have fully crawled inside of myself and shut so much of the world out while I sorted through my life and my heart. I dumped my friends, my social circles, social media. I dumped my parents. And most proudly, I dumped alcohol. And I’m 49 days sober…
There have been so many things hurting me for so long, and finally, something snapped inside of me. I realized I’m tired. Like overall just in general. I’m tired of my shitty so called friends. I’m tired of my shitty so called family. I’m tired of the crushing anxiety that has come from my alcoholism. I’m tired of living in fear & hiding from my mania. I’m tired of living a life I am not at all proud of. I’m tired of my misery taking over my want to create artistically. I am just so fucking tired. So tired I often thought, why am I alive? Why do I exist in this world? Is it only to suffer and hurt? That thought has crushed me for so long. My whole life really, if I’m being honest.
And when I stepped back from myself I saw how deep I’d gotten myself into misery. How deep her roots dug into me. I’ve spent truly almost my whole life surrounding myself with things that hurt me. Toxic friendships, abusive relationships, jobs that never served me, PEOPLE who never served me. And I thought, no fucking wonder I feel so horrible. And, this is not what I want my life to equate to. For the first time ever, I have a really healthy and supportive relationship and that has opened my eyes so much. That if I can be in love and not scared in that, I can probably be in love with other parts of my life too, it’ll just take work to undo it all. So I got sober and found myself a therapist.